🏂 resume.html — Professional Slope Whisperer
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Professional Experience
Snowboard Coach — Pats Peak & Pats Peak Crew (PPC)
- Taught gravity how to negotiate; converted fear into speed with a straight face.
- AASI-flavored chaos delivery: “that was totally intentional” certified.
- PPC 4 LIFE — lodge diplomacy, park etiquette, and scholarship-fund vibes.
- Career KPI: 11,000+ “you’ve got this”s issued; 0 refunds on stoke.
Pro Poker Operator — Wherever the Felt Is Honest
- Looking calm while math screams; variance is just weather with a chip stack.
- Career highlight: folding correctly and still telling the story like a hero.
- Table presence rated “unreasonably serene” by three independent tilt monitors.
Master Brewer — Chief Flavor Negotiator
- Hops into personality; diagnoses beer by vibe before hydrometer ego arrives.
- Brokered peace treaties between IPA bitterness and sessionable goodwill.
- Ship rate: batches that taste like the story we told ourselves in the mash tun.
Board Game General — Tabletop Command
- Explaining rules nobody asked for; table politics with optional snacks.
- Specialist in “one more round” diplomacy and house rules from 2014.
- Win condition: everyone still friends when the box lid closes.
Disc Golf Ace Hunter — Chains as Therapy
- Specialties: tree negotiations, “that was the intended line,” walking fairways like a pilgrimage.
- Plastic addiction professionally reframed as equipment R&D.
- Ace rate: classified; birdie optimism: publicly traded.
Software Nerd — Ships Code, Spares Prod
- Breaks production in spirit only; stack traces read as cryptic prophecy.
- Commits with confidence, reverts with dignity, deploys with snacks nearby.
- Preferred stack: whatever still builds after coffee and a pep talk.
Core Competencies
- Reading people
- Reading green
- Reading build logs
- Reading the table
- Reading the room
- Reading the wind on hole 7
Education
- School of Hard Landings — B.S. in Controlled Chaos (honors, mostly upright)
- University of Late-Night Sessions — Continuing studies in “one more hand / one more pour”
- Disc Golf Community College — Audit only (chains elective; trees required)
References
Available upon successful bluff.